VOICES IN MY HEAD

Voices in my head. Hmmmm,..

Frankly speaking, this is the last thing I want to write about.
I said,…”Lord, what about the fruit of the spirit, or about yesterday’s sermon in church?”, but I sense this is meant for today. One must strike the iron while it is hot.

Sigh,.
Many a person, young and old, you may have heard of, has taken their life and when you enquire the reason given is depression.
Depression is from the pit of hell and as someone who has been there I am here to tell you of this spirit; for it is a spirit.
Experience they say is the best teacher. Aren’t you glad that you don’t have to experience something yourself to learn from it? Learn from the experiences of those around you so that you do not make the same mistake.

Frankly, I’ve had issues with mood swings in the past, which got better over time by the good grace of God. My earliest encounter with depression that I can recall, was when I was in my final year in medical school preparing for my final exam that would qualify me as a medical doctor. I was lost, spaced out, going through the motions, but completely and utterly lost. I felt like a zombie. Somehow, I don’t recall how, I got through that episode. In retrospect it could only have been God.
Oh,.. what a Father we have in heaven! 🥰🙏🏽🙌🏾

From the year 2020, I’ve had about 3 or so cycles of depression. I will not go into what I consider is the root of the depression. But this was very different from my previous experience. I had all the signs and symptoms you can imagine, but what made it worse — I was suicidal; hence the title of this blog.
Simply put — I wanted to die.
I’d wake up in the mornings and ask God – “Why am I still alive?”
I wanted to die in my sleep.
Frankly, I considered various means of ending my life, but none seemed painless or fast enough – shooting myself in the head, hanging myself, slitting my wrist, oh,..I certainly considered them all.
I think what makes it worse for others, in particular males, is when they resort to sleeping around, taking drugs and alcohol; there are spirits in those too.

Having had a Christian upbringing however and being very prim and proper probably kept me from all that. I knew my parents were worried and praying for me. Little did I know my church family was also praying for me- a section of them anyway, by the inspiration of the Holy Ghost.

Now to the voices. I’m sure from time to time you hear a voice telling you to do something absurd.
I heard plenty. At a point I recall having no peace. My head was filled with of turmoil, voices, noise, there was no peace. That’s enough to drive anyone mad. 🤦🏽‍♀️
At a point in time. I heard a voice suggesting to me to walk into the street and kill myself. I thought it was my own thought. I told my mother who was sitting with me in the kitchen of my intention. A few minutes later, I took a key, opened the door and unlocked the gate and started walking to the busy road which was a few metres away, set on my mission to kill myself. I wanted to die after all. 🤷🏾‍♀️
I turned around at a point and I noticed my mother following me. She called out, telling me to come home. I followed her back home .
I have slapped myself, scratched myself, choked myself with a neck tie whilst watching myself turn blue then release it, picked a knife and set it at my wrist. Hmmmmm.
BUT GOD!

God has delivered me from that spirit. In one instance, I literally felt a weight lift off me when I had intentionally started reading the word of God, praying and listening to music which I had completely stopped. Musical Carol could not stand the sound of gospel music, imagine that! Depression was destroying my family and I saw that if I didn’t get out of it, I would end up dead or depressed for the rest of my life.

So let’s pray for one another. Look out for that individual who has suddenly gone quiet, is talking funny, losing weight and looks tired all the time. Be your brother’s-keeper. Many are suffering in silence.

I may have to do a part two talking about the deliverance.
But know this, the depressed person must want to come out, without that they stay in that cage of worthlessness though the gate is open or they have the key in hand.

God is able. God is sovereign. God is Lord over all!!!!
Amen and amen!

God bless you!
😊🙏🏽